Preferences
Something weird happened last night. This guy I know wanted to “hook up” with me. I was…disturbed to say the least. I knew him from one of my classes. I already knew the guy is a PUA, but I didn’t think he’d be desperate enough to start making moves on me. Next time maybe I’ll tell him “No thanks, I don’t want to get AIDS.” It makes me wonder how people can do these one night stands and casual encounters without feeling…guilty? Shit, even if I wanted to I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
I have little respect for PUAs in general. Regardless, I was somehow less disgusted by the hook up offer than I was by previous attempts by other guys – far more tame attempts, mind you.
Two weeks ago, when I was on the bus, this guy I recognized sat down next to me. How did I know the guy? He tried to flirtatiously start a foolish little conversation with me last year – same exact questions, same routine, on this same bus. The first time, I answered a question or two, before ignoring him completely and leaving him standing there with an unanswered question – the answer to which was none of his business. Apparently this guy completely forgot who I was, perhaps because he’s tried this little routine so many times that faces just don’t matter anymore. This time I decided to be less of a bitch, but I still found that I couldn’t be bothered to keep answering his slew of questions for long. It felt far too much like an interview – a forced one at that. And every time I looked at his face, I saw Maruf. I grew increasingly disgusted with him. Finally, to my relief, some random woman started arguing with the bus driver and our dull conversation abruptly ended there. I turned my head to the other direction and continued reading. I saw him turn back to me to resume the foolish conversation. I saw the way he eyed me. I refused to look into his direction. I just could not be bothered.
Why is it that I am somehow more disgusted by certain situations than others? Why is it that I’m more disgusted by certain guys more than others? Someone once suggested underlying racial preferences. I’d like to think this isn’t a race issue. Subconsciously, at least. Consciously, I can’t think of any reason why race would be an issue. Perhaps it has to do with relative level of comfort with said person and/or the level of preparedness at the particular time when they made the remark. I wish there were some logic behind this. Sometimes I feel as though I am overreacting like some kind of a raging man-hating lesbian.
Sometimes I wonder… How do people know that they are compatible for one another? Why do they feel they are compatible for another? What causes that initial “spark?” What do some people, whether they be male or female, gain from unrestricted sexual relations? Aside from the obvious, what makes it somehow more satisfying (to some) than a committed relationship?
I’m sure some of these questions apply in reverse, of course. For example, what do certain people gain from abstaining completely from loose sexual behavior? What is beneficial about being a prude, virgin, etc? And here are my answers: For starters, there’s a far lower risk of contracting an STD. Second, a committed relationship is far more appealing due to the stability and genuine love and affection that one would receive. Having one night stands and other types of casual encounters are fleeting and short lived. True love lasts.
