Deterioration
I’ve let myself go these past few months. Been feeling apathetic. I can’t really find any motivation to write or think or even to get off the bed anymore. I can’t even count how many days I’ve missed already. What’s been happening to me? Right now, I feel worse than ever. I tried to cut off all ties for a few days, then in desperation the urge took me over. Then I discovered something that I had already foreseen.
Upset, furious… Seething with anger and hatred.
Why do I trouble myself so? Perhaps living a life of isolation is to be embraced, not avoided. He himself once said he rather liked being alone, that he did not need to find anyone to feel whole. And I agreed with this logic. But what happened now? Must I agree? Disagree? When and why do these things happen? Did he foresee this? I think not. The timing is too close. Maybe it was a spur of the moment decision. Is that how these things work? Maybe he feels nothing, maybe it was not his decision to make.
C’est la vie.
