Despair
Lately I have been feeling very…alone. I know, this sounds really cliche’, I don’t know how else to describe the feeling. It’s one of those times when I feel really isolated and cut-off from the rest of the world. Hopeless, despair, depressed…inconceivable.
Lately I’ve been doing lot of thinking. On people in my life and their life choices. Then reflecting back on my life and my choices. Why do people do the things they do? Why is it that someone who I felt I could relate to ended up being so completely opposite of what I initially thought? From someone so pure and innocent to someone so frighteningly, disturbingly…perverse.
I have also been rethinking my stances on certain issues. Over the years I went from believing firmly in a spirit world in sync with our own, to eventually phasing out of this altogether, perhaps even more so around the time of my true awareness as an atheist. It got me thinking, if I don’t believe in a god or some type of great spirit of sorts, and if I don’t believe in a heaven or a hell or whatever, then why do I believe that there is a life after death in the form of ghosts? It wasn’t adding up, so logic replaced gut feelings. Today, my aunt and uncle from abroad arrived. One of the first things that they start telling us about is how they saw a spirit man decked in black in their house twice earlier this week. First, my uncle was in his room and saw the man walk through an open door in his room. Their room is on the second floor and that door led out to a balcony outside. He shouted “GET OUT, GET OUT” and the man disappeared. The second time he appeared in their bedroom again. My aunt and uncle are not the type of people who would lie and make up such things. I have noticed their demeanor has changed since they came. It all frightens me. Sitting here in bed right now, I’m scared to turn off the lights or the computer. Why does something like this frighten me so? They are not tangible, therefore they cannot be real. That is the logic that I used with god, and I will keep it that way, but why is it that for me, this logic does not seem to hold true with spirits…
